Silence

Holy shit.

I can't take it anymore. It's unbearable and verging obsessive now. You have taken over my mind like some disease. Or many a drug that takes my life over. I am addicted. But this isn't bad. It's only bad because I haven't had the courage to talk to you yet. You have taken over my mind. And I know it'll stop if I talk to you. But I can't.

Your silence, your shyness, it intimidates me more than anything else in the world. More than any outgoing guy that could not be any sexier. Maybe I am infatuated by the prospect of who you are. The fact that I know so little about you, and can't seem to find anything more out about you. I sound like a stalker basically. But I know it's just a crush. I have a massive crush on you. I don't let it take me over in that I follow you everywhere you go. But when you walk into a room, you're all I see. Everything else is a blur, all out of focus. The aperture in my eyes are large, nothing is in focus expect you.

I wonder what goes on through your mind. You seem purposeful in life. You also just hang out. I wonder if you notice me. I wonder if I am anything to you. I wonder if those moments where you catch me staring mean anything. I wonder if you know, because I really feel like you do. I don't think I could be any more obvious without saying the words themselves. At the same time, I am not asking you to ask me out. I don't expect that at all. It's just not like you. I know it's not that I am not good enough. It's that you don't even get to the point where you'd consider if I am even worth your time.

So what do I do? This crush seemed doomed to nothing. It keeps me from doing work, it keeps me from studying, it keeps me from sleeping. It keeps me happy. It keeps me hopeful. It makes me believe in tomorrow. But what do I do? I am so utterly hung up on you, and I have no idea what to do. The solution seems so simple. Be brave, talk to him, ask him to dinner maybe if I was feeling gutsy. But I am so scared; your silence scares me. I am stuck. What do I do? What do I do??

Much love, Sera